Leaves on this Family Tree

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Unconditional Love

Birthdays are odd ducks.
01 Jan 1951
In the house I grew up in, 
I can remember coming downstairs, 
turning left
and there on the table would be one present . . . 
yes, the day has started. 

1st Family picture with Mom, Lee and Dad.
It still tickles me how Lee ALWAYS, subconsciously, wore his hat like Dad.
His youngest son did the same thing.
Honestly, I don't remember anything else . . . 
but my mind's eye can still see
and remember the feeling of anticipation
and joy of waking up 
and knowing "my day" had begun.

Love the drool in this picture . . . had double chins then and still do :)
I can still remember when Mom died,
Dad had died three years before,
I felt like an orphan . . . 
Even though my brother,
two aunts
and two cousins ,
all of whom I was extremely close to,
I knew that there was no one left alive
who loved me unconditionally.

The first time I came home,
after we had moved to Western New York,
I went into my brothers house,
just like I have always done . . . 
open the back door, 
go in and ask if anyone was home . . . 
Lee was thrilled to see me,
gave me the biggest hug I think he had ever given me.
I knew he had missed me.
I never thought this would happen.
I can remember Mom saying he came home from college,
when I was 16,
and was worried about where I was.
She had to remind him I was 16, 
had a drivers license
and was know "Out and about."
Caught him by surprised I had "Grown up."
1st Birthday . . . 11 Jan 1952 . . . I had a good head of hair even then.
I though a new chapter in our life had started 
that day he hugged me . . . he "missed" me again.

All this leads up to the "orphan" feeling.
Last year, at one of our Sunday Suppers at his house
(his late wife had started these when I was gone . . . 
she wanted her kids all together at least one day a week)
this "chick" comes in that he was dating . . . 
"Oh SHIT." I thought. "Not her ! ! ! ! ! ! !" 

Somehow I remembered her from some where in my past 
and I HATED her.
I said, "Oh yeah, I remember her," when Lee introduced us.
She gave me this blank stare like "Who are you?"

Well, they got married on Dec 5, 
they were born that day, one year apart . . . 
now isn't that just sweet?
I knew it was coming, 
had received an invitation to the reception 
on the following Saturday,
but had heard nothing about the actual wedding.

I finally got the nerve to ask him, alone because she always buts in, why I wasn't invited . . . 
"We wanted something small here at the house," 
was the answer he gave.
"Oh yes, one more person would take up so much space,"
was my response, with tears starting.
He just looked at me with the hardest eyes . . . 
"It will just be the kids and us," he said.
Me . . . "I've always been there 
when anything important happened to you."
"Well, this is only a second wedding." his response. "And besides, if we invited you we would have to invite Tim and Paul."
"But I'm your sister, not brothers in law."
Now he just brushed it off . . . 
I haven't been so hurt since the man I loved called me, in what was to me the middle of the night, for him it was just getting off of work, and told me he was getting married.

Yep, just stick that hand into my chest and rip my heart out of my body and throw it away.

So, back to "my day."
Thank the good Lord my cousins are still alive . . . 
I have received their cards in the mail.
Besides that, it is just a normal day . . . 
makes me sad . . . 
many people have celebrations with their families.
They always look so happy.

Me, normal day, 
with the addition of a hug and "Happy Birthday" from the husband and supper out tonight with my choice of where we go.

I sound sad,
and in a way I am.
I miss that special feeling of feeling special.

It will happen tomorrow though . . . 
card club at my house and the ones who really know me
will remember and make me feel special.

Man . . am I pathetic or what?
I guess today I just really miss Mom and Dad and their unconditional love.
Christmas Day, 1961 . . . 17 days until my 10th Birthday.
Until we meet again,
I love you two m ore than you know.

Monday, December 25, 2017

Christmas Day 2017

'Twas the Night Before Christmas 
and All Through the House. 
Not a Creature was Stirring 
Not Even a Mouse.

The unwrapping is all done. 

The feeling of LOVE still is warming my soul.

 Isn't this the FUNNIEST Door Mat?
It fits me to a "T".

Christmas was good to us this year.
Denise, your Snow Couple is JUST PERFECT! ! ! 
Their place of honor will be on the fireplace Hearth.

Indy and Willa have tried their Christmas stuffies.
Willa still prefers Indy's old stuffies 
(which are seen on the floor between them)
over her Hedgehog.
Indy has actually played with her Christmas Cracker.
Let's see how long it takes them to realize
they can tug on the cracker.

Here's hoping your Christmas was everything you expected 
your heart is warm with the love of those you cherish.