Laughs from Ceri

Ceri, in the UK, sent this to me this morning. We haven't known each other too long, but we know that each other LOVES their "fur-babies." Those of you who know me, and read this blog, will understand why I had to post it. I know what this person is going through. Been there . . done that!

Here is the message:

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FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

FOR THOSE THAT DON’T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible.I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

A dear friend sent this to me & I just have to share it with you. (My asides are in parenthesis.)Enjoy!!!……..

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don’t.

(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture. (Why do you think I always wear gray sweats or shorts . . .the hair blends in better with them.)

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (AMEN SISTER! ! ! ! )

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly. (Kind of like some of the kids I taught!)

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,

(2) don’t ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don’t hang out with drug-using people; (except their mother...LOLOL)

(7) don’t smoke or drink, (However, Paka was known to knock over Bill Bender's beer every once in a while for a little nip.)

(8) don’t want to wear your clothes, (Mine don't even like to wear their own coats . . they would shed them all year!)

(9) don’t have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and (But those puppy classes can cost an arm and a leg when you have someone who thinks she is the lead dog . . right Indy?)

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children …

Signed~

Mother to 17 (+/-) fur babies in my adult life.

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