Leaves on this Family Tree

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Grieving

My stomach is in knots
and my eyes hurt.

Not hungry,
even though the husband made a great breakfast . . .
so I ate.

I feel like I'm on a death watch
which, I guess,
 I actually am.

I received a call from my niece yesterday
that her mom was dying.

Her mom is the SIL who made it through
chemo and radiation for her
Stage 4 Esophageal Cancer
with great results.

Well, last Saturday 
my brother had to take her to the hospital
and it was discovered
that she had a urinary tract infection.

But, with her immune system
so compromised
it sent her into a tail spin.

This news sent me into prayer mode
more than the original cancer diagnosis.
I knew that her immune system was next to nothing
and this could be what takes its toll
after the cancer was shrunken.

They found out yesterday
that she has double pneumonia.

She has been in ICU since last Saturday
and things just haven't gotten better.

The hospitalist on duty yesterday
told the family that things didn't look good
and that she might not make it through the night.

My brother, his two daughters, two sons and a DIL
spent last night at the hospital.

When I hadn't heard anything by 10:00 this morning
I called the brother.
It's so sad talking with him.
He is my dad . . . 
he hurts so bad when his wife is sick.

I think he has come to the realization 
that what will be, will be.
He isn't at all happy about it . . . 
but he knows that things are now
out of his control.
This has to be hard for a man
who has been the sole provider
for 40+ years for a family with 4 kids.

Can't imagine what he is going through
and I so want to do something.

About 11:30 I got a call form my niece.
She was crying and just wanted to talk.
Poor kid . . . 
she's not ready for her mom to die.
I told her that no matter how old a child is,
they are never ready for their parents to die.
I was in my early 40's when my parents died 
and to this day
I can remember thinking
"Today, I am an orphan."
Rough feeling . . . 
the first time in your life
to not have either parent there.
Now, there was no one
who loved me unconditionally
and who was thrilled
with every accomplishment
I ever made.

The niece did tell me
that she talked "off the record"
to a friend who is an ICU nurse.

The friend says she doesn't think 
my SIL is ready to die.
She said her heart monitor 
shows that her heart is still working great . . . 
Let's hope her years in ICU
are correct!

Shoot,
It was the ER nurse 
who thought she might have
 the urinary tract infection
before the Dr even mentioned it.

I have my faith in nurses.
Being on the front line
they see what happens with people,
not what to expect 
when they see people.
There is a BIG DIFFERENCE
in those scenario's.


3 comments:

  1. She will be in my thoughts and prayers too. We are never ready to lose our parents. We know it will happen but we don't have to like it, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right, Bev. When Mom died, and Dad had been gone for almost 5 years then, I knew how much I hurt but I knew if I had died before they did, it would have been something that they wold have had a harder time dealing with it.

      So, I guess we children must deal with it to save our parents that horrible grief.

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